Sunday, December 27, 2020

A SHADOW




it's a rare time when happiness
will make me weave my blanket of poem, 
but still i want to give a ray of hope,
because i felt the love
once upon a time through a kaleidoscope
where the colours reflected hands in glove
and blessed me with mayhem on rope.

as the shadow of trepidation knocks my door
eating half of my mind and chewing my 
happiness from every chore,
leaving me with unrealistic thoughts
and flowing river of unhappiness 
inside that horrified deadliest pot 
where my breathe is audible to me 
and profound shakes are forming a tree
of the instrumental chattering tune 
searching for the medicinal key 
on every corner of the cocoon.

after this terrific fight with my psyche 
i am left behind with stages of dislike.

i remember i was happy soul,
a happy chirping one who used to laugh so much
and laughter is all that I owned with pride,
and gloominess used to stare at me
standing on one corner of that room,
getting jealous and jealous and finding 
ways and ways to attack on my happy face
and it finally won the race
murdering my happiness in the first place. 

the blanket of blue devil covers me
it covers me with all the dirt it has owned
and dirt under the blanket speak 
all the figures of speech pretending 
it as tongue in cheek. 

they speak at the highest peak
that trying is not a failure,it's survival
oh! just one question please acknowledge, 
will you let me survive if I try? 
If I want to have an admirable fly
to convert my life into a carnival. 

NO. NEVER. NOT AT ALL. 

after giving ears to all these chronically
unhealthy words, which they think is ironically 
bold and cool to make a person face the worst
so they repeat and repeat, as they took time to rehearse. 

but, 
i bring to my mind all the motivational 
ghazals and nazms that ammi used to recite 
when on days i want a healthy light,
and purify the veins of my poem 
with all those misra to get out from that enchanted zoo
where i am plugged into feeling the blues. 
i stretch my wings to inhale the air so fresh 
and clean, which makes me free from the smoky screen. 


Ayesha Khalid









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